I'LL BLOG WHEN I DAMN WELL FEEL LIKE IT

. . . and now I feel like it.

Since my last entry, so many fun links have come and gone, but I'll do my best to make this as entertaining as possible for the five or so people who may actually read it.

THIS is perhaps the best video/song ever made. Mj made me aware of it and since then, my life has been forever altered. The lyrics are profound; the special effects, spectacular. I just . . . I don't even know what to say . . . I am envious of his talent? I wish he and I were friends?

Apparently Maine passed a ban that prohibits smoking in cars when children are present. As a smoker, I think that is a completely righteous law. I always find it disturbing/gross when people smoke around children . . . freaks me out a little. Reason #4,562,981 why I should not have children (especially in Maine): I would be tempted to do THIS.

Speaking of children, I will be an auntie any day now. This is tremendously exciting and I have promised my sister-in-law that I will commence my niece's training for the National Spelling Bee within hours after her birth. My own National Spelling Bee hopes were dashed circa 1985, when after making it to the regionals, I came face to face with the word, "Fernbrake." A simple word, yes. But not so simple when you consider the definition. I can't . . . I can't talk about it. Nevertheless, being an aunt will give me the opportunity to live out my dreams vicariously. Let's just hope things don't turn out like THIS.

Now for some text message poetry; crafted from unaltered text messages I have received. I have only taken creative liberties by giving each one a title:

SOME DUDE

I've got some dude
sitting next to me
eating a hamburger and fries
and some other dude
eating pizza. Oh, P.S.
I'm on the train.

DO YOU THINK?

Do you think
it would be unprofessional
if I brought my laptop
into the bathroom and
did my work under
the automatic hand dryer?
It is
so cold
in here.

BABY

Baby, come
come talk to your friend
and hit things. You will
feel better.

REALIZE

I realize that you are
already enjoying a life
of poverty and chastity,
but I think Mr. Pope
might frown upon
the major themes
of your writing.

ON POSTMODERNISM

It's postmodern
if you say it while in make-up.
I'm pretty sure
he was.

THE CAB

In the cab.
All I could understand
in your message were the words
"laundry,"
"retarded," and
"Old Style."

WHERE YOU ARE

where you at,
homo?

HOW DID YOU KNOW?

How did you know
I have a Democrat foot fetish?
Did you find
that pair of
Ruth Bader Ginsberg's shoes
I bought
off eBay?

FOOTNOTES

Footnotes and I
are no longer
on speaking terms.

RABBIT PUNCH

Rabbit Punch
needs to lay
off the sauce.
Turning into
Billy Joel.

WHY?

Why
are their multiple photos
of the Republican
Gubenatorial candidate
on my desktop?

NORMAL PERSON

Why don't you load
my hard drive
with porn like
a normal person?


And in closing, I love THIS song. Only because I seem to quote the lyric "letters make words and sentences make paragraphs" in one form or another, at least twice a week. Oh college students! Not nearly as advanced as one might think . . .